Segway Joust

Rich and Eccentric Checklist – Segway Jousting

Here’s the second post about things I would do if I were rich and eccentric.  It has already been established that I am eccentric, but I’m not rich, so I can’t afford to do a lot of these strange things that I want to.  Last time, I wrote about wanting to own an elephant.  This time I’m going to explore the possibility of Segway Jousting.

Segway Joust
I'm not the first one to think of this.

If I were rich and eccentric, my rich an eccentric estate would have a tiltyard for Segway jousts.  It would be complete with stadium seating, a complete armory, a variety of Segways for knights to choose from, and on days when I used it, I’d have vendors on hand to sell ale and leg of lamb.  I’d probably have the surrounding facilities built up for hosting anachronism-themed renaissance fairs in the surrounding area.

Up until last night, I believed that I was the first one to come up with the concept of Segway jousting, but I did a search prior to writing this blog, and it turns out that this eccentricity doesn’t just belong to me.  For your viewing pleasure, a Segway joust that I found on youtube:

I’m not gonna lie; that looks like a lot of fun.

What would I do if I had a Segway jousting tiltyard?  Duh! I would host Segway jousting tournaments!  Certainly I would try my hand at Segway jousting, but it seems like it would be a wonderful sport to spectate as well.  I would hire mechanics to modify my Segway fleet for better speed and handling so matches would be more exciting.  I would also keep a book of tournament regulations to make the sport legitimate.

Finally, if it turned out that Segway jousting isn’t really as fun as it seems, my tiltyard could easily be converted for riding dirt bikes, motorcycles, unicycles, ostriches, horses (classic), or even large, brutish, bikini-clad amazon women.

Amazon Woman from, but to be fair, I'd hit that.
Imagine me, charging into battle on the shoulders of the woman pictured on the left. My foes would scatter!

Owning such a tiltyard would include a number of costs.  First, constructing the facilities would cost a pretty penny.  Then I would require at least two Segways and two suits of armor, but it would probably be more appropriate to have spares of each.  I’m pretty sure normal wear and tear would make backup Segways and replacement suits of armor necessary.  Since Segways are about $7K a piece, and suits of armor go for $5-$10K, the costs add up quickly.  I’ve tried to find a place online to buy lances, but it seems that I’d have to have those custom made.  Hopefully that would just cost the price of lumber and labor.  Unfortunately, I don’t have that kind of cash on hand.  If I could afford it, though, I would love to have this unusual take on Medieval Times ready to go in my backyard.


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